Genes, Memes, and Sh*tty Ideas

So I've been reading up and arguing about evolution with creationist idiots again. Why would I do something so futile you ask? Well, I dunno, it helps me sort out my own views on things, and I figure if I can't explain my own perspective on how evolution and science in general works to a functional retard, then I probably have no business saying a damn thing on the topic.

Anyhow, I started arguing with some idiot who's a few steps more insane, stupid, and pig ignorant than the average young earth creationist, and it got me thinking about bad ideas and how they spread and maintain themselves. It kind of got me to realize that, as mind-numbingly complex as genes and the mechanisms of natural selection and biological heredity are, memes make them look like tinker toys.

A meme is a unit of culture, sort of. It's an idea, a transmitable concept. Marketing slogans are memes. Like "have it your way" or "I'm lovin' it". It doesn't even have to be phrases, it can include rough concepts, like that annoying pink battery bunny with his drums of infinite insanity or the cavemen who shill for auto insurance.

I make a comparison with marketing terms because, quite frankly, most memes are shit, just like most marketing campaigns. Like genes, memes are only out to perpetuate themselves, and only those that can spread and multiply will stand the test of time - thus religions and political party affiliations. Memes also play off each other, form meme complexes, and interact in ways far more subtle and unpredictable than mere genes.

The sucktastic part of this is that we Humans, we almost-too-clever-for-our-own-good Apes, are really bad at spotting shitty ideas. People call me cynical, but I like to think my cynicism has been earned the hard way, through watching how absurdly irrational we can all be. And trust me, I include myself in this.

I've known almost since I was old enough to talk that there are some really, really stupid ideas out there. My first great taste of the blistering stupidity we're capable of was Noah's Ark. Before I had even logged two digits worth of years of life I knew the whole notion was dumb, and had to be just a silly story. But then, to my utter amazement, I found there were adults that actually believed it was literally true. Why? Why on earth would someone be so stupid as to think Noah really rounded up all the animals on a ridiculous wooden boat?

This is where memes come in. Memes, or meme complexes, are capable of some scary shit. Or maybe we Humans are simply capable of playing host to some scary memes... Either way, we, as a species, just suck at spotting bullshit. I suppose it's a testament to our own weird cleverness that we invent crazy defenses for our pet memes. Or do the memes invent them? Are our oversized brains the source of the variation needed for natural selection to favor the strong? It's probably many orders of magnitude more complex than that, but I digress. As I was saying, there are some scary memes out there, with some scary defense mechanisms.

Take religious apologetics, for example. The sole purpose of the field of religious apologetics is to twist logic in such a way as to deflect criticism of an irrational proposition, and to sooth the fears and doubts of the flock. It's a meme that's 'evolved' to defend other memes. I'm sure that statement will piss some people off (if anyone actually reads this and/or cares), but that's the only conclusion I can draw from what I've read and heard over the years.

They're no different from star-wars apologists who insist that there's sound in space because the fighter ships have "sound simulators" in their cockpits for the benefit of the pilots. And as dumb as that is, it's got nothing on religious (or political) apologetics.

That's another thing I've noticed: the line of distinction between religion and politics isn't very well defined. I'm not talking separation of church and state, what I mean is the frightening levels of devotion extremists and doctrinists go to in order to defend their pet pullshit ideas. To me, there's scarcely anything of note to differentiate between a devoted Christian, Jew, Muslim, or Whatever, and a devoted Democrat, Republican, Conservative, Communist, or whatever. They all use the same lame arguments, they all twist logic around to suit their goals, and they all manipulate language and make irrelevant emotional appeals to try and prove that their way is the best way, and all the other assholes are wrong.

So how do we go about detecting the hordes of craptastic memes? Well, most of us can at least spot the really lame stuff and avoid it or ridicule it as it so richly deserves.

To me, if you can't connect concept A to concept C, it's probably bullshit. Ok, well, change that: If the person you're talking to can't connect A to C with a B, then that person probably doesn't know shit about shit and should be politely ignored or given a cookie and a pat on the head so they'll go away.

For example, It's taken me years to explain evolution just to myself and at least be able to connect all the major points without having to skip a step, invoke a miracle, or try to make people pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. I'm not saying that everyone needs to master any given topic before they can speak of it, but you should be able to connect and grasp the major concepts. I still don't understand economics and I don't know shit about sports, for example, so when discussions about it come up I simply say "I don't really know enough to make an informed decision yet." or "Eh, sorry, I'm not a sports guy." It gets weird looks sometimes, and people tend to push for an answer, but it's honest.

Invoking miracles or ignoring steps hasn't gotten us very far. The only way we've learned how to make cars or computers or vaccinations is by looking at things logically. Connect A and C by explaining and understanding B. If there's no B to explain, then the idea is probably bullshit. You can't get anywhere by being lazy or obfuscating and skipping a step... unless, of course, your goal is to manipulate all the other clever apes into doing what you want...

...

"God exists!"

"Ok, cool! Where?"

"You must take it on faith."

"Oh...um, ok."

"And he wants you to stop touching your pee-pee, it's a sin."

"Whoa, what? When did he say that?? What if I need to shake it kind of hard after taking a piss??? How many shakes till I'm playing with it???"

"And you can't put your pee-pee in a woman's hoo-haa unless you're married."

"Umm....hang on, back up dude..."

"And if you touch someone else's pee-pee, you're going to burn in the fiery pits of hell for all eternity."

"Whoa! WHOA!!! Hold up man, I was young, we were experimenting! I swear!"

"FIERY PITS OF HELL YOU DIRTY SINNER!!!"

"Hay man, back up, we didn't even get past this whole 'god exists' stuff yet!"

"And you must tithe and never say bad things about god."

"Wait, what? Is he broke? Am I going to hurt his feelings? This makes no bloody sense..."

"Thus is the word of god."

"He told you all this?"

"No, he wrote it in a book."

"Really? Did he sign it?"

"...no, he inspired men of old to write his word down for all to read."

"Wait, I thought you said god wrote it..."

"Yes."

"But you just said some old dudes wrote it."

"Yes."

"What the fuck dude."

"God inspired them. Don't swear, god doesn't like it, it's a sin."

"Well god just inspired me to go order a cheeseburger and a vanilla shake."

"It's not the same."

"Why?"

"It just isn't."

"Why?"

"Are you questioning the word of god, heathen?"

"Wait, you didn't even prove he exists yet! And you just said a bunch of old dudes wrote the book! You're damn right I'm questioning it!"

"You have to have faith."

"Sorry dude, but if you want me to follow all these rules you're going to have to do better than that. I mean, any idiot could just come along and say god told him to do something."

"But this is the real word of god!"

"Can you prove it?"

"Certainly."

"Ok, go ahead."

"It says right here in the book god wrote that he wrote it."

"...are you kidding me?"

"What, that's not good enough for you?"

"Ok, look, I'm going to walk away slowly, and then I'm going to go get that cheeseburger."

"Have a nice trip to hell when you die, sinner! Every knee will bow to the lord in the end! At least I know where I'm going in the afterlife!!"

"Seriously, please leave me alone."

"EVERY KNEE WILL BOW!!"

"Ok...yeah...have a nice...whatever..." *backs away slowly without making any threatening gestures*

...

So I guess what this boils down to is, I don't buy ideas that don't connect all the dots. I don't need to see every single dot, but if there are glaring omissions in the concept, in the meme, then it's probably a load of horseshit. And even worse, if there's a whole field devoted just to defending why there is no step B between the A and C, then it's probably epic bullshit.